Do I say anything

wow what to do what to do, Ok maybe I should start from the beginning. I am not perfect I know that I never clamed to be or never would clamed to be. Many years a go me and Tom met we were young got pregnant then married, he eventually cheated on me and we worked that out. I decided I loved him so much that I was ok with it and that if he wanted to do thing all I wanted is for him to tell me, I would be a little sad but I could keep that to myself.  so years latter he goes tdy (military temporary station) and I checked his email just to get the notifications off the Ipad, something caught my eye, it was a perianal add he posted looking for someone not to sleep with but to just hang out with, not guys just women. While I would be cool with that I can see being alown and having it hard to make friend that would be easy. he just wanted someone to talk and hang out with while he was half way across the country. What does upset me is that fact he still has not told me, which makes me wonder if he is hiding more from me, did he sleep with some one, did he even hang out with anyone or was it just a couple random emails? When he got home he has been stand offish, doesn't really talk to me and hasn't really touched me, I know he is sleepy but I feel so freaked out. Am I not good enough for him, did he find something better than me and just doesn't know how to say it. Also form a pic on his computer or two girls on a bed the pic name was with Sam or not (by the way Im sam) Does that mean he sleeped with them or would if I want there. would he tell me that if he did. I think I should just tell him but what if he gets mad at me and doesn't want to talk about it. I don't want him mad at me I love him. What if all my thinking is true and he leaves me what do I do, I don't want to live with out him. what if there is really nothing and its just my head going wild and I'm very wrong about every thing. guess I need to figure it out.

John denver said it best

I really do believe John Denver said it best when he said my life feels like a sad song. Sitting outside by a fire on this Sunday night  Tom gone once again. I can't help to feel so many things sad, angry, upset, disappointed, jealous, proud, lonely, board, and a multitude of other things I just don't of words for. Tom has been gone for 12 weeks and he was going to be home all weekend before he was to be gone for about another 5 weeks. One of his close friend mother had died earlier this week her funeral is the Monday after Tom gets home. So he decided he would go. He got home about 5pm on Saturday and then left around 4am Sunday, and will be back very earlier Tuesday morning. then off again for  the 5 week, we might get to see him on weekend but well that sucks so much. I think what might have tipped my emotions off was when I asked when my mom dies will you go to the funeral (now Tom and my mom have never gotten a long to well) he said ummm the  paused which seemed so long but was probably only a 10-15 seconds before he said sure. I mean really a pause, He go's to a friends mom funeral and I get a pause, I wonder if he paused when thinking about going to this funeral. I was so hurt I am his wife would he not really want to be there for me. I know he waits to be there for his friend in her time of need, but I just want to be jealous and have to myself and the kids especially not seeing home for 12 weeks. I wonder if he even thought of me and the kids when making this disition. I didn't want to cause problems and he had already bought the tickets before I new he was going,  I wish he would had jus told me he might go. I had plans to do things sit today, not anything big just grilled pizza a fire and fun with the kids. but I sit by the fire all by meself and decide I need a way to vent with out everyone knowing how I really feel and I think this will be the best avenue. So here is to today and many more posts